RESOURCES: Articles:
Ten Tips For Surviving The Holidays
- People who are going through or have completed a divorce have a right to enjoy the holidays. Divorce is a time of loss whether you are one who has left the relationship or the one who is being left. During a divorce, a person is typically at his/ her worst and, during holiday time, is asked to be at their best. Try to attend events where you can be yourself. Try to take any positives from the experience. Remember that most people are trying to have fun at holiday time. Try to join in. You might feel some relief, even if it is just for a short period of time.
- Every person going though a divorce is preoccupied, forgetful and accident prone. Be very careful… Do whatever you need to do, that is healthy, to take care of yourself. If you enjoy walking, walk more. If you enjoy movies, see a double feature. Again, try to avoid situations where you will be uncomfortable.
- Put the legal process on hold, unless there is a court date or mandatory meeting scheduled. If you finalize divorce during the holidays, then you will forever link holidays and divorce. Avoid doing this if possible.
- Recognize that the emotions of divorce are all over the map. You can feel terrific one day… and feel that you are attending your own funeral the next day. Emotions can range in extremes within a five minute time span. Know that this is normal.
- Don't dwell on the past. The uncertainty created with divorce is anxiety producing. But… going over and over the life that was usually results in anger, depression and stress which causes even more pain.
- Avoid holiday excesses as a means of coping with the pain. If you are prone to abusing alcohol, don't drink at all when you are in public. Try not to behave impulsively. These actions can be self-destructive rather than making you feel better.
- Try to minimize excess spending. When a person feels unloved, he/ she might want to reach out to buy gifts for those who are being supportive. This might make others, especially if your finances are limited, feel more uncomfortable than comfortable.
- Seek out counseling to diffuse emotions. This can be with a professional, a church or synagogue group or other support groups in your community.
- Remember that you are not alone. While hallmark cards portray that everyone is having a great holiday, the statistics indicate otherwise… More than half the population has been divorced. Your situation is not unique. Others will understand what you are going though.
- Your future might be uncertain. And, the security of life as it has been is over. What lies ahead will be challenging but is, oftentimes, better in many ways. While your ability to move on, make important decisions and process may be impaired with the stress of the holidays, you will eventually regain your balance. The divorce will continue after the holidays end, and, in most instances, you will be able to think more clearly, move on with your life and heal.
Gutterman Griffiths PC © 2002-2007 All rights reserved.